What to do when you fail

When you get negative feedback on your product, step one should be to see if the review is representative and that means you must have a reasonable number of comparable reviews. There are nearly always outlyers … those that are too negative and those that are too positive. Dwelling on the extremes will kill motivation and progress.

Move towards winning! As Chris’ brother, I’ve heard (and had to endure 🙂 many of his philosophies over the years. Many are great, but this one is priceless. I keep it firmly in my back pocket and pull it out whenever I feel like I’m losing my compass. Wise words.

Love this philosophy Chris x

Nice reminder, Chris. I started studying and practicing Mu Duk Kwan style Tae Kwon Do with the idea of getting a black belt. That was the goal. I learned that "getting" a black belt meant mastering many goals along the way. The first one was learning the forms (poomsaes) and rituals, in Korean (new language for me, not unlike the syncing business). It was the longest, most intense mental and physical endeavor, (and exhilarating) that I’d ever chosen to participate in. I was 50 when I started. My one small fear was that I would become injured to the point that I could not compete or participate anymore. It never dawned on me that I could quit anytime.

I struggled with lyrics on what I consider one of my better songs for years tossing it to the side again and again. Feedback also mixed on it. Having been introduced to the concept of siloing genres I have finally concluded that one of the keys to making a song work is to identify or decide what genre it is going to be, and then revise the lyrics accordingly to make it work. For example, a country-topical verse may be the bug in the pop song, or vice versa. Make sure each verse matches the genre of that song. It sounds basic, but I overlooked it and was blinded also by demo-itis. It can set in like frostbite before coming to this realization.

I totally get this. I’ve been in “vetting” (songwriter critique groups and “Friend” solicitations) for well over 10 years. I kind of treat it like the Olympics. I throw out the highest and lowest scores and focus on everything in between.

My favorite story: a local NSAI critique group many years ago where a member HATED one of my lines. I rewrote parts of the song (but not that line) and the next month brought the song back to the group and that same woman LOVED that line! I saved her written comments both times as evidence. 😆 I didn’t bust her on it though.

Sometimes folks just have bad days and their frame of reference is through that filter!

And, yes, because I’ve ALWAYS vetted my songs extensively before I spend the dough on recording, I’m very used to constructive input that may at first sound like criticism. I’m pretty good at using all comments without taking it personally. I actually make spreadsheets (tables, really) and footnote each song lyric line with EVERY comment to figure out where to go next.

It’s a process but it’s served me well. Creativity gets down to business!

Sterling Hunte
Chris,
Thanks for those beautiful analogies.
I’ve got one to tell. I played in a steel band for many years in Calgary.
The boys in the band rejected my singing.
I joined the GMA Canada, taking some writing and singing courses along the way, feeling confident, i carried on. Eventually my second album got
two nominations a few years later.
Rejections are stepping stones on our Journey.

This is a really helpful philosophy, and thanks for your examples. As a music teacher, I tried to encourage my competing students to learn from each success OR failure, and not take it too much to heart. But personally I’ve been devastated in the past by some rejections (for grants, etc.) before realizing that so much taste is subjective. Now I try to take my OWN advice and learn from the rejections instead of wallowing in them. My first band wouldn’t even let me sing, which was hurtful, but now I’m in a four-part harmony band that thrives. Thanks for your encouragement!

Hi, Chris! Just wanted to toot my horn! I was just notified that I WON the Music production award for my song "Return to Beginning" from the World Songwriter Awards! Whoo hoo!

thank Chris… I can only focus on the road ahead… each turn gets me closer to my destination… an analogy I’ve heard is… imagine driving at night with only seeing what’s ahead of you from your headlights knowing that in spite of not seeing what’s around you, you know you’ll reach your destination. … thanks Chris… HUGS!

Thanks Chris.
One of the hardest things for most of us humans is to take constructive criticism. It’s seems the negative screams louder than the positive. I try to learn from the negative and not to let it get me down. And cherish those little positive victories that keep me moving forward. The one thing that impresses me about our tribe on FB is that when we ask for input on our songs those who comment are honest in their critique. Each of us trying to help each other move forward towards victory.

Hey Chris. I appreciated your words of encouragement. Love that you played hockey. That was my jam my entire life growing up. I have known since the age of 3 that music would be my life pursuit. I also recognized that early on it was a long haul race not instant. I found myself working hard trying to stack the deck in my favor. It took many years but after being able to tour professionally for many years making a living including doing the cruise ship gigs and fairs and festivals I eventually found myself winning some world renowned songwriting competitions including winning the grand prize in the John Lennon Songwriting contest as well as winning the Lennon Award and then also being the grand prize winner in the USA World Showcase. Then being on national TV a couple times as well. I have always believed that success would come as long as I worked hard and always believed in myself. I carry this philosophy with me in all things. It has truly served me well. Thanks for sharing Chris. Much love to you and your entire amazing team.

Thanks Chris. Sounds like you have had a healthy balance in your life between physical activities and working on your music!
I find I can be more self critical & analytical when I take breaks between slogging away on comping etc, be it a spot of gardening, cycling or walking to the shop, aerobics or tai chi…. As for others’ views on my music, I agree it’s so subjective that I usually have a lovely positive by someone to balance out that heart wrenching criticism by someone else. But I still take what they say on board and try to improve that thing if I can. I like what Jena says about the journey being like driving at night, keep your focus on the intermittent shine of cats’ eyes and trust you’ll reach your destination to your satisfaction!

Thanks Chris I also grew up playing hockey, and getting cut from the "good" tier team when I was 12 was devastating, but I soon learned that playing the tier down could be even more fun. As far as my music career I’ve been doing this for over 35 years now and all those crushing defeats (and there were a lot of them) luckily never made me give up, they made me dig in deeper and keeper loving and learning and it has all paid off in spades, I welcome the defeats now, I take a lot of shots, cause as Gretzky said "you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take".

Others in these posts have commented far better than I can, but I’m not about to shut up. My own take on it is that winning can be great and a lot of fun, but, to me, it’s rarely the point. You’re right, I believe, the long game is where life , love, and learning reside. Sometimes winning is a piece of that, but if it was ALL of that, what would there be to learn?

Better to hold to the Zen adage to do everything perfectly. And that includes screwing up. It’s rather another way of saying to live in the present.

Years ago my band played a show we were pretty pumped about. We started off well. The sound was good, the first song was good, the crowd was into it. About the 3rd song in, the drummer got mad and just stopped and began complaining about the timing. I think he even threw his sticks down. That show was a big fail.

I learned a lot from that show:
The band had to rehearse more;
I needed to work more on my timing;
Shows are for the audience, not the band;
I needed a different drummer.

No one learns to walk without falling down and, if they’re lucky, having someone there to point out what they could do better.

Great advice, Chris! I’d just add that failure is only feedback, which you don’t necessarily have to agree with! This happened to me recently when a library were keen to take an album I’d written, then suddenly, a new A&R person got involved and they decided they only wanted an EP, then even more suddenly they dropped the whole thing and gave quite contradictory feedback, which I didn’t agree with! I didn’t say anything to the library, but was very irritated and discussed it at length with my co-writer, who she said, this does sometimes happen, we believe in our album so let’s just keep going!

Another piece of great advice I heard recently, I forget where, was that the most successful people in the world have also failed the most, and that the path to success is not a straight line – it’s a very crooked line. You’ll be down in the valleys, then up in the mountains, then going along somewhere in between. It’s not just an upward trajectory!

Toodle pip!

I’ve avoided this video – avoidance seems to be my approach to dealing with failure these days. What fuels my feelings of failure are a couple of things: agism, sexism, and a history of unfinished business. As a singer/songwriter/musician, I’ve been performing for over 50 years. When I enrolled in the Art of the Song Pitch, it felt like a last ditch effort to address my avoidance and to learn something about songwriting in this day and age. I like your metaphor about kayaking down a river – it’s similar to the saying about not stepping into the same river twice. I became burnt out after the Songwriting Academy and felt that I was just not in the same universe – that’s really OK, but as a result I backed away from participating in the SYNC production and vetting courses. I have tried to listen to the vocal workshop but haven’t made time available to hear the whole thing. I perform weekly – at the exact same time as the AOTSP videos happen live so I’m always playing catch up. So this video on failure came at the right moment. I know very, very well the emotional pitfalls that I run into and/or create for myself – after 50+ years (I’m 71) of performing acoustic music in small clubs, cafes, and restaurants, I tell myself that that alone is a measure of my resiliency and persistence.

Absolutely! Great advice! Losses are part of the game of life…road-bumps on the path of life’s journey! You said something like my paternal grandfather used to say when I used to be sad and down with failures. He had great foresight and I used to soak in all the words of wisdom that came out of him! Inspired by him, I guess, when I pick myself up from being knocked down by failures, I seem to somehow instinctively challenge myself to carry on with more vigor than pre-failure episodes.

I just wanna know how you knew I had just found that none of my songs placed in a songwriting contest. Amazing. Anyway, it was good to hear. I like the idea of the long trajectory instead of going for a win. I know I’ll never give up, but yesterday I was wondering what I was doing wrong and what I was doing at all. At least today I’m back on the horse, still moving forward. Thanks

great analogu Chris! I think the longer you go the easier it gets too. WHen I started playing live, I would play sax behind singers – I was so nervous! that got easier. Then I started going out as a leader – man I was sweating so bad the first time. Later I started doing solo gigs as a singer songwriter – small stuff, little bars. Every one was a fight!

I think of it like spinning a big heavy wheel, or maybe a set of wheels. Every wheel – it takes energy, a lot of energy to get moving. It’s HARD! but once that wheel is shifting, it’s a LOT easier – all you have to do is keep it going, now that wheel is STORING energy for you. (OK slightly different analogy … ) – so when I take this long view, individual successes or failures are just another "day at the office".

Regarding "failure" – honestly, the main thing is – make sure you learn something from them. Every one! You are gonna have bad days, that is inevitable. But you can still profit from them if you LEARN from them. It’s that adaptability, willingness to learn something new from EVERY situation that is gonna "oil those wheels" …

very best!

Thanks for sharing your story Chris. Congrats on your fencing career! I’m Canadian too! I’m a late bloomer in my music career. My “real” career is as a marketer. Like you I leverage the insights I’ve gained to support my music career. To be quite honest here my marketing career has been challenging and so I bring that resilience and strategic planning to my music career. Best, Ruth